Lol, I’ve have read it , it hilarious . you should write a book on food reviews

So glad you are still managing to go on your trip and got sorted with a new plan! At the end of the day, a trip to Florida is a trip to Florida... what’s not to like! 😃 have a fabulous time!

Kat

I wasn’t fishing for compliments honest. But I’ll take them thanks for reading!

Thanks Kat, despite what you may hear from Harry later I’m very glad we’re going to Florida even if it’s become much more expensive for doing less lol

Harry walked despondently towards the bus stop. In his gloom even the air around him seem chilly. Suddenly everything went quiet. Wait, this doesn't feel natural he thought. He went to run but a cold bony hand seized the back of his neck, freezing him to the spot.

'Harry Porker' screeched a voice of pure evil as a very tall and bony witch in a flowery cape descended on her broomstick in front of him. The chill deepened in Harry's bones. It was the Bodyshamers!

'Keep a hold of him Trinny' said the one behind him. 'You're coming with us chubster.'

The second Bodyshamer had locked Harry in some sort of freezing spell and she glared at him as she flew round him. This one was slightly shorter and strangely, wore yellow Wellington's beneath her long black dress. 'What you looking at.’ She shrieked, whacking him on the side of the head for good measure.

'What do you want' he stammered. 'Let me go, don't take me to Longleat or Sherwood Forest. I'm going to the Universal School of Gluttony to study magic and pie.'

'Orders of Mr Voldemort. No Universal for you. And no shopping holiday with your bolshy little girlfriend neither! Although with that gammon complexion you should not be wearing pink. No...you're going to Fat Camp.' The tall, thin Bodyshamer leered horribly as she said this.

'Not Centerparcs.' Harry gasped in horror. 'There's hardly any good restaurants and bicycle seats hurt my bum and you have to pay extra for everything. The only good thing's the pool and...'

'Silence Porker!' Commanded the short one in the wellies.' And Harry found he couldn't talk any more as they whisked him slowly up into the sky, swearing like dockers at his weight.

--------------------------

When Harry woke he was in a small wooden cell. He rose from the bed and looked out the window. Nothing but trees. As he watched a flock of healthy looking children passed the window on bicycles, a tall adult shepherding them from the back of a broomstick. 'Tuck in there Piers' he heard in passing.

He looked around the cell. Was that a kitchenette? Maybe there was something to eat, he was starving. The cupboard revealed nothing but oat cakes, a bowl of fruit and green tea, no doubt left behind by the last prisoner. Nothing to eat here. MONSTERS! This isn't anything like any other type of cake I've tried before thought Harry bitterly as he tried to force an oatcake down his dry gullet. What I'd give now for a Sweet Lardade.

Fat camp must have been way out in the country because it didn't take long to get dark. Harry was trying to pick the locked door with a McDonalds monopoly sticker (free fries prize to be claimed by tomorrow. What a waste ) when a voice whispered from outside the hut.

'Harry. Harry! Are you there?'
'Hermione? Is that you? What are you doing here? Your BMI is surely within NHS guidelines.'

'Voldemort got me kicked out of Universal too.' Hermione explained. 'Apparently my protest at the Gandersnatch was too political for the lard farming fascist. Anyway I'm breaking you out of here, we're going on holiday together. Stand back from the door!'

There was a loud bang and the door disintegrated. Hermione Grazer stood silhouetted in the smoke, wand in hand, an angel clad in Superdry. 'Grab the broomstick, we need to get out of here before Gok comes round recruiting for the boules tournament.'

'Er Herms, where we going then?' Harry asked cautiously as he climbed onto a double frame stick. Disney? Naples? DCL cruise with all day buffet?'

'Still to Orlando but a nice relaxing break... We're doing all the Outlet Villages.'

Oh crap thought Harry to himself. 'That sounds nice dear' he said. ‘Can we stop at McDonalds?’

Well you brought it back on track but I have to say I'm a bit disappointed, it seems I'm off to fat camp in June and I didn't even know it 😂

sorry. I do like centreparcs but it is expensive and a bit like cycling round a woodland branch of Waitrose trying to find something worth eating. Not that that’s a bad thing

Loving the Harry update. I’m another one off to fatcamp lol, July for us before hitting the DCL buffet in August. Seems like a perfect plan.

Not long now until your amended trip, happy packing

Cheers, under the one week mark today but away from home till Friday so no packing just yet. Very jealous about DCL, still working on DW for that one without much joy so far.

Re: centerparcs You’ll have a great time. One of the benefits of a thinly disguised alter-ego is I can blame him for offending most of the DIBB and readers of this thread. Bad Harry

Have you considered voodoo doughnuts for your next food review? Is Harry up for the challenge?

Well Harry may be bad but he makes me laugh